Tales to Harm Your Mind

a collection of eight whimsically morbid short stories
(Choose from the list below for individual pieces.)

third edition
Copyright 1999-2010 by David A. Woodbury
All rights reserved. Brief passages of this book may be quoted in reviews or for similar purposes. Written permission of the author is required for any intended purpose other than the retention of a single copy for the reader’s own use. For information write to:

“That Face” also appears in the anthology, Three Naked Ladies Playing Cellos, published in hard copy and electronic versions by “Racing the Light at Dershem’s Corner” has appeared in Darkstormy Magazine at

Any similarity to real people, living or dead, is coincidental. If you recognize anyone, either by name or situation, the author sincerely hopes you find it a respectful resemblance.

Printed on the Internet in the United States of America at

dedicated to those who have seen the extraordinary and have remained silent about it

Listen while I tell you Tales to warm your mind
Stop, Look, Listen. See what you can find.

An orangutan who can sing
Pirate ships and gypsy kings
Now a horse who learned to fly
Don’t know how. Don’t know why.


Buy a car with Liquorice wheels
Driven by two jellied eels
But don’t drive it at full pelt
Or the chocolate tires will melt.


Do you know that smiling in your sleep
Means there are secrets that you keep
Locked in boxes in your head
Wise men find them when you’re dead.


Stuart Harrison for The Irish Rovers

Choose a link below to read an individual story.
The Dentist's Proffered Testimony
Unjust Desserts
The Resting Place
How Miss Plover Handled Boxer Poop
That Face
Racing the Light at Dershem's Corner
In School-Days